The Confidence Cruncher - By Somdeep Mishra

Chances are that if you've lived more than 2 decades, you might've experienced this in some form or the other.

In most cases of self-hatred and self-loathing, the most major contributing factor is confidence.

And there are all these different theories and "practices" people keep throwing at each other which only results in all the delusional outcomes that make life even more complicated. NO Karen, a strong bone crackling handshake doesn't mean you're confident. It only means you're trapped inside your self-sustained illusion where only you are right and if not, only you can see your mistakes. This  gives birth to one of the most painful downfalls in one's life because they've fluttered to  the sky with no actual reason, just to feed their ego and fill that big void that the lack of confidence has created inside of 'em.

But, huge respect to those who wake up in the morning with a plan and a mission to eliminate their insecurities. Although, there will be numerous times when you'll think you're falling back into that void. As if you're never gonna escape it. But that's when you make a crucial transition in yourself. I read this amazing quote somewhere which said- "the goal isn't to eat healthy...the goal is to become someone who cares about their nutrition. The goal isn't to work out....The goal is to become someone who wants to look and feel better."; and it spoke volumes. This is the transition that'll make the difference.

Like, how can we expect us to be confident at a new work place when we haven't really done that type of work before? How can we be socially confident if no one has ever liked us  before? How can we be confident about a relationship when we've never had a successful relationship? (Don't know what a successful relationship is? Y'all exactly the type of readers I want LOL ><)

The Confidence Cruncher:

Outwardly, if you've always felt defeated in life, how do you expect yourself to have the winner mindset, and if you don't have the winner mindset then you're gonna act like a.......runner-up? (to be polite) and hence the vicious cycle of suffering continues.

This is what is meant by 'The Confidence Cruncher', where in order to feel satisfied or adored or successful, you first need to be confident...but to be confident, you'll first need to feel satisfied or adored or successful.And once you're in this loop, it seems damn near impossible to get out of it.

Stay with me, let's break this down:

• Just because somebody has something (a gang they can hang out with, a 7-figure income or a sizzling beach body) doesn't mean they're confident. So I think we all can agree to the fact that confidence isn't an external marker. It's more of how we look at ourselves, or our perception of ourselves regardless of any external trait of ours.

• But mindset like - believing you're a remarkable success even though you're biggest profitable business venture was selling third-hand used notebooks in high school- is what leads to overwhelming narcissism which leads to people argue that obesity (that is probably one of the most dangerous medical conditions) is something to be celebrated as beauty rather than encouraging the obese to fight his way out of it, which is clearly the elephant in the room here(no pun intended).

• So no, the solution to the Confidence Cruncher is not to think that you lack nothing at all and mislead yourself to think you possess everything you once wished for. The key to be confident is plainly to be comfortable with what you lack. Read that again. The big puzzle with confidence in fact has nothing to do with what we achieve and everything to do with being comfortable with what we don't achieve.

Building Confidence:

• It might sound nonsensical , but the ones among us who are mostly comfortable with loss or negative experiences are the ones who get the most out of it. Oh and don't worry, you won't start accepting failures as an inevitable part of life. In fact, you'll start acting without fear , to engage without any sort of judgement. Because ....it's just too old for you now..... you've been there, several times, right? After a while, even the dog stops chasing its tail, as he becomes comfortable with the fact that its a part of it. And in order to move ahead in life, its necessary to let these things be.

• We need to be unbothered with the fact that everything does not work according to us, and that we are not the only protagonist.(no one is. ) We need to chill guys. We so do. HOLD ON!!!!!! Do you even realize how insane we all have been acting lately. Take a breath, let others talk too, start listening.

                              ..........and also don't get carried away.........

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll post this article, comfortable with the fact that some of you might not like it. And do my chores. Peace.